In the dark room, I see the light.

I'm expanding my photography and professional life surrounding it & I just can't seem to tear myself out of wanting to be in the dark room.

I have to incorporate this art somehow without the fear of it dying. Developing my own prints is how I learned what photography was and I can't just turn my back on an art form that I've come to love so much. I will never forget seeing my dad's black and white prints and being amazed at the tricks and tools he used in the dark room to double expose, overlap prints, coloring prints with ink, etc.

I've conformed to digital and have been using it for years but looking back on my prints I created in the dark room versus the ones I've had professionally printed, you just can't compare the grain detail in a black and white film print. It's beautiful, traditional & I had a part in creating it from beginning to end.

The Greatest Act of Love Ain't No Act At All.

I'm missing my babies in India today. There are days when I miss them so greatly, it aches. I hope the aching is them feeling me there with them. That sounds completely silly, but India works in this way. It flows and works from all the noises, smells, sights and acts of love. It's a very symbolic and "everything has meaning" type of place. So for today, I blame the aching of my heart on the fact that the kids feel my love today.

One story sticks out in my head today so significantly, I can hardly work. While on my most current tour in India, we took all 200+ kids at the orphanage to the Bay of Bengal. Some of the kids hadn't been more than 2 miles outside of the orphanage walls, so this was such a treat for them.

As soon as the bus was in park, hundreds of kids ran straight towards the ocean, cloths and all. It was the happiest moment of my life; to see the complete and utter pureness of this joy come to life right before my eyes.

That day, we also celebrated one little girls 4th birthday. This was her first time to have her own cake and blow out candles. It was the day that stole my heart and the reason why I feel like I left my heart there...with all the kids.

 

If you think this day didn't get any more amazing and heartfelt, you're wrong.

On the way home, I witnessed the greatest act of love I have ever known. I sat next to two little girls on the long bus ride home and watched as they both struggled to find comfort long enough to nap during the bumpy ride. They finally took one sleepy look at each other and hugged, laying their heads on each others shoulders and fell asleep.

It amazes me that these beautiful babies are so robbed of loved, yet they never fail to teach me more about love than I know is possible.


And just for the record, it's never a bad sign when nuns hula hoop better than you. They've got the big guy on their side.

Namaste.

Right to Write

“There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed.” -Ernest Hemingway

Mr. Hemingway died on this day. This quote could not be more true, although typewriters are becoming few and far between these days. Everyone must make more time to do things that ignite their soul and bleed with intensity. 

For me, it's photography & writing. Two things in which I love yet abandon so badly.

My wish for the world today is that everyone would just let their passions positively bleed. I have had two friends in the past year take their own lives. Both of these amazing people were artists that I greatly admired. One was a woman who's paintings were beautiful & inspring to so many people in our community. The other gentleman happened to be my photography teacher turned friend through my college career. Ernest Hemingway committed suicide as well . . . too many artists have let go, leaving behind a legacy of art but much to soon before thier time.

The world is confusing, with sensory overload happening at every turn. No matter how confusing, tragic & depressing there is always a healthier outlet than letting go.

 Reading. Writing. Talking. Painting. Biking. Hugging. Kissing.

This post took a whole different path then what I first intended, but I let my thoughts bleed and this is where they ended up.

Suicide is something I have yet to fully understand, but the only thing I know for sure is it's not the answer. For more information, visit the suicide prevention lifeline.

Excuse me, Mr. Man.

I refuse to believe your job is supposed to be something people don't enjoy. Maybe people would stop killing each other if their everyday was filled with something positive rather than the surrounding of a hated job.

I refuse to let men in my workplace talk down to me and make me feel inferior, no matter how hard they try.  So often I see the women I work with scurry around like little rats, doing unreasonable tasks asked of them by men who treat them like the scared little rodents they look to be; only to laugh about them behind their backs.

The Regional Vice President of my company had the audacity to tell me my degree meant nothing to him. My response? "I pity you and the negatively bad person this corporate world has turned you into." I could have, maybe should have, gotten fired, but way too many woman before me have fought for my words and I will not stand down to a man in a K-Mart tie.

And this is why the corporate world is suffocating all the positivity out of me; but I refuse to let it. I may not have the luxury of my dream job at the moment, but I refuse to make Susan B. Anthony roll over in her grave by not sticking up for myself.

So---to all my ladies (and some men, perhaps), stop scurrying around, making less money than your worth and start to believe that your job is supposed to be something you enjoy. Working towards positivity & productivity, no matter what you do.

My dreams are far fetched to some, but my reach is endless. The only reason I didn't walk out when Mr. Man insulted me is because all he has done was fuel my fire of dreams.

Negative Nancy Not Allowed

Negativity surrounds an incredible amount of people's lives. Why? We allow it.

What I have come to realize over the past year is that if you don't even allow negativity into the flow of your every day, it dissipates & slowly disappears completely. This began with thinking it was a complete impossibility to go back to India. Last year, after diligently hand-writing over 200 letters to family & friends, I got a donation response of about $200 over a 6 month period. This year, I mentioned to a friend & fellow traveler that I yearned to go back. I kept telling him, "It's not gonna happen" So he started asking around and in a little over 2 weeks, he helped me collect the money for my trip just by asking around. He resides in Houston so the people that donated aren't even people I know; they just donated out of the goodness of their hearts and out of the positivity my friend had for me the entire way. He didn't allow negativity the way I did and it became possible.

This is a rather large example, but it works in little ways too. A few weeks ago I lost my favorite ring that my mom had gotten for me. Searching up and down the entirety of my tiny apartment for weeks led me nowhere. One day after work, I came home and said to my confidant, "I'm going to find my ring today."

"Oh, really?" He said in excitement and slight confusion

"Yup, there's no other option. Today is the day."

20 minutes later, I found my ring.

For that mere 20 minutes, I didn't allow the thought of "I'm never going to find it!" creep into my brain. I didn't allow for it and voila!

Anything you put out into the world in a positive way will make it's way back to you in positivity. Give the world a reason to give you good things. Trust me, the ways of the world work in mysterious ways no matter what God or higher power you believe in; don't let the option of negativity & it's evils stop you from getting something you want and deserve. Pave your way to positivity.