The other night, I had an amazing dream about India. I dreamt that someone surprised us with a visit to Sooch Village while we were in India. Tears began rolling down my face in excitement of getting to see how much all the orphans had grown in the past year. When I look back on this dream, I can still feel the complete and utter excitement that overwhelmed me when they told us the news. This one little girl in particular, Mooshkawn, has been on my mind nearly everyday since I returned from India last March. I have never felt a yearning to be a mother, but Mooshkawn is this little girl I worry about daily. She was the initial reason I wanted to go back to India.
Tearfully, I told my mom one day that I couldn't get this little girl out my head and that I worried about her so incredibly. I also told my mom that I thought I was crazy, but that I felt as though I was supposed to be this little girls mother. I thought my mom was going to tell me I was insane after telling her this, but her response was "Well Mona, go find her." I love how my mom says things that are so simple & beautiful, it doesn't matter if she says it to me in Farsi or English, it always translates into the same simplicity. International adoption isn't legal in India and I am so far away from ever being a mother, but the impact this little one has left on my heart is felt every single day.
I can't believe I am getting the opportunity to go back to India as an Ambassador. It also amazes me how often I feel as though I ruined my last trip. Before going to India, I felt like I could conquer anything. I came home feeling more weak than I ever had in my life. A lot plays into feeling that way, but one good start is my lack of writing while I was there and the lack of what I did to send the message of these children once I returned. No matter what you do, you cannot prepare yourself enough for India. As soon as you step off the plane, the immense amount of sounds, smells and sights is enough to make you feel completely out of your element.
Almost a decade ago, my Senior quote for high school was by Gandhi, "Be the change you wish to see in the world."
I'm still working on it and I have a long way to go.
Tearfully, I told my mom one day that I couldn't get this little girl out my head and that I worried about her so incredibly. I also told my mom that I thought I was crazy, but that I felt as though I was supposed to be this little girls mother. I thought my mom was going to tell me I was insane after telling her this, but her response was "Well Mona, go find her." I love how my mom says things that are so simple & beautiful, it doesn't matter if she says it to me in Farsi or English, it always translates into the same simplicity. International adoption isn't legal in India and I am so far away from ever being a mother, but the impact this little one has left on my heart is felt every single day.
I can't believe I am getting the opportunity to go back to India as an Ambassador. It also amazes me how often I feel as though I ruined my last trip. Before going to India, I felt like I could conquer anything. I came home feeling more weak than I ever had in my life. A lot plays into feeling that way, but one good start is my lack of writing while I was there and the lack of what I did to send the message of these children once I returned. No matter what you do, you cannot prepare yourself enough for India. As soon as you step off the plane, the immense amount of sounds, smells and sights is enough to make you feel completely out of your element.
Almost a decade ago, my Senior quote for high school was by Gandhi, "Be the change you wish to see in the world."
I'm still working on it and I have a long way to go.
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